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Man do I want to call him more than ever. Parios wrote something in her journal about hanging out with a Troy this weekend. I wonder if that's some kind of inside joke between them. Hopefully not. Whatever this is so fucking stupid. I don't know if you were ever a big Fiona Apple fan however, check out the song "Never is a promise" it's a good one.
I'm really trying hard not to let myself get carried away and do this crazy thing I'm thinking about doing. This could be the most insane thing I've ever done. Or the smartest... only time will tell.
October 19 2005, 03:57:32 UTC 6 years ago
Never say never
Which "crazy thing" are you refering to? The one I tell you you should do, or the one nobody should have to do?I read your story. Quality writing, very indulgent subject matter. One common theme seems to be the revelation of secret pain. Sharing of secrets binds two people together, but what does it mean in the longer term? In my sadder days, and even now, my pain and longing, in fact, all of my emotions seemed to have their own merit in my mind. I would think, even if I didn't admit it, that the weight I was carrying would be some kind of ticket-to-ride with my soulmate once I found her. I thought that if only I could show someone else all that I felt, they would instantly be there for me forever. I saw feelings as self-justified, 'I feel it, therefore it is valid'. Finding this person, this antidote to the secret weight of pain I'd been carrying, became an obsession. Even when doing things alone, like walking in the park, it wouldn't be far from my mind. I'd think about the possibility that I'd run into that special person around the next corner, every corner. But...
"My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights"
I think I'm beginning to realize what a toll all that was taking on my mind. I think I've realized that those thoughts will only take me further away from the possibility of true love.
October 19 2005, 06:27:48 UTC 6 years ago
Re: Never say never
I am talking about the silly thing that you tell me I should do. Also, I am so with you on that whole not thinking those thoughts... maybe it only happens if you're not paying any attention.October 20 2005, 23:16:43 UTC 6 years ago
Re: Never say never
I think my post was kind of one-sided maybe. I think I act like I have all the answers sometimes. I myself am currently all depressed and silly because of a little bullshit at work today. Maybe this whole boredom-tolerant daily routine thing doesn't work so well either, If every day's the same, then the only things that stick out are the things that bother you that you don't think you can change. No matter who you are, you always have to deal with times where you feel impotent and out of control. I don't know why those times get to me so much sometimes. Work is supposed to suck. Life is supposed to suck (at least sometimes). Why should I be surprised?Time to get back on the horse.